Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
