My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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