One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
