I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
