so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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