What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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