So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
