I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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