Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
