I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
