whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
