He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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