My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Damn victory sex feels great
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
