Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
