Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
