Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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