So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize