I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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