She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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