I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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