He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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