I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
