We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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