he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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