You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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