My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My ass is underappreciated
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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