i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
