i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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