Do vagina's smell?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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