you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
