So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
