No stitches, just platelets and will power
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
