I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
