I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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