I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
