we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
