I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
