i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
