We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize