Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
