dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
