Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
