There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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