idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
