I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
