Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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