Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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