Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
