the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
