I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
