Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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