i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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