you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
