I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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