Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
