Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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