The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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