So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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