You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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