we're blogging at a bar
This is not my ceiling
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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