i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
