I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
tell me about the eggs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
